


unfulfilled promises from the past, let forget about them

by miocean



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Relationship(s), set in hokkaido, the one that got away, unresolved feeling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-07 02:26:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16845331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miocean/pseuds/miocean
Summary: a voice from so familiar, so distant from his past. through the clamour and the bustle of the park, even after six long years, he can still recognise that voice. he blinked twice, thrice, copiously when a familiar silhouette appeared on his plane of sight. he hadn’t thought, nor if he was prepared for this encounter, after so long.Or, the angsty jaehyungparkian that I need.





	1. the past where one can't go back to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from what are you doing now by DAY6 because I keep listening to it, somehow gotten inspired.  
> something that i wrote two days ago. unbeta-ed, i'm sorry for the mistakes. 
> 
> yihhhhh, enjoy.

 

 

 

It was his voice.

 

That was the very first thing that alerted him—always. Jae turned his head and saw him, standing there. Through the clamour and the bustle of the park, even after six long years, he can still recognise that voice. So familiar and yet, foreign.

 

He thought that he was dreaming or if it was a trick that his brain was playing on him. That he was too tired after trying to stay awake with only two hours of sleep for the last three days. It was tough being a graduate student, especially when he opted to enroll in the research programme. Plus, Jae had been relying on coffee to stay sane and alert for the whole week that he was afraid that he had overdosed on the caffeine intake. Since it was a weekend and his research and thesis were progressing well, Jae decided to take a break from his study and play hooky. His plan on lounging, lazy-ing around at Sungjin’s was cancelled when Sungjin and Dowoon had successfully dragged him to Susukino Park, to watch the exhibition.

 

It was that time of the year—the annual Sapporo Snow Festival.

 

The sky was dark, void of stars and the park was illuminated with the colourful burst of lights, from the sculptures and the buildings around them. It was a busy night. It was a normal sight, people pouring in, as the cold didn’t deter them, to see the sculptures here. The festival was popular, attracting locals and tourists everywhere. The ice sculptures were lined up around the park. They were so beautiful, skilfully craved to perfection—showing spectators the splendour of the frozen art. The colourful lights added some magical touch on them. Jae walked around the park as he waited for Sungjin and Dowoon to come back. They had gone to buy some coffee, in order to stay warm during the cold night. He sighed. It was supposed to be an ordinary, normal night.

 

Jae blinked twice, thrice, copiously when a familiar silhouette appeared on his plane of sight. He was standing behind him. A mere inch behind him. Jae ducked his head, instinctively pulling his beanie down and fixing the scarf around his neck, raising it higher so that it can mask his face, and hiding behind it. He took a deep breath. It couldn’t be him—he wasn’t even supposed to be here. What is he doing here?

 

Jae hadn’t thought, nor if he was prepared for this encounter. Jae clutched his hand tighter as he held at bay the chatter around him and focused on his voice.

 

“The ice sculptures are really pretty,” he said, his voice stirring some familiar memories in Jae’s mind. His deep, heavy, and velvety-like voice. “I’m so glad that I came here. Pretty sure I could get some inspiration from this.”

 

He trembled, as the voice registered in his mind, tingled. It was really him. Brian.

 

_Brian._

_Brian._

_Brian._

 

He was really here, and he was here, and—Jae sighed. For a moment he thought that it was a mere fragment of his imagination, after so long. It had been years since Jae had contact with Brian. Since his family had moved from the cold Toronto to the sunny LA. And since their homes were miles apart. It was sad at first, but soon Jae had gradually forgotten about Brian and moving on with his life.

 

He was excited to see him. His heart leapt in his chest, beating erratically. Jae felt like he was on a rollercoaster. _Thump. Thump._ But, he knew, aware, very, very aware of the distance between them—of the distance that time had created. Jae frowned, uncertain of what he was supposed to do. He can't put a finger on what they're right now. Friends? Strangers? Acquaintance? After two long years with no interaction between them, does he still have the right to call himself as Brian's best friend?

 

Who knew what Brian still thought of him, after all these years, and more importantly, after his disappearance? Jae sighed. He and Brian had been friends for so long, since their diapers, toddler years. But, the distance and not knowing anything about the other party for a whole six years can really do shit to the relationship. Jae had been busy, especially now with his research and that same excuse took a toll on him and his time. Time was a luxury for him and soon, he got too busy to spare a few minutes of his life for the people he knew outside of Hokkaido. And the days, years went on and they drifted apart.

 

Or, that was the lies that he had kept telling himself.

 

Jae sighed. He knew the true cause for all of this—the reason for the distance between them. Being busy was an excuse. Furthermore, Hokkaido was a recent occasion and Brian was a thing that had happened long, long ago. The truth was Jae just didn't want to admit that he had forgotten about Brian for so long. The reason why they drifted apart, the reason why Jae didn't keep in touch with Brian after moving to LA. The memory that he had repressed for so long was laid bare in front of him when his eyes made out the familiar stature. Jae remembered about the fact of Brian liking him. And, Jae, young and confused, wasn’t sure how to react or what to do with that piece of information. He thought that it will pass—Brian never held his attention on something for that long. That was what he held on to. Jae believed it was a fleeting thought, something akin to the warm feeling after you drank a hot chocolate during a cold day before you go out to play with the snow again. It will go away. It was just a temporary infatuation, Jae had told himself, _lied_. They were young and the hormone was the driving force of everything. It wasn't real and Jae was afraid. He knew there was something hovering between them, and it was waiting for the right time to reveal itself, to build something more out of it. That perfect moment. But unfortunately, that time never came. 

 

It was during that one cold winter’s day, that day where Brian had told Jae—confessed his feelings—and it was also the very same day that Jae was supposed to tell Brian that he is moving to LA the next month. Brian was hurt, angry that Jae decided to tell him about that on the very last minute. They fought and Brian had left him. He’d left and never came back. Not once did he turn back, as Jae watched after him, glued to his spot. Brian was walking away from him. After that, he’d made every concerted effort to avoid Jae. No matter how much Jae tried to reach him or came to him, it was futile. Brian was hell-bent on it. He'd not visited until Jae had left Toronto.

 

And, they lost each other just like that.

 

He wondered if he is to go and greet him, like old friends do, how Brian would react to it. Will Brian still smile at him, glad to see him again? Or, is Brian still harbouring the resentment for him? Perhaps he hadn’t forgiven him, or he couldn’t, or—perhaps he had long forgotten all about it. And Jae was the only one who had been overthinking, overanalysing all of this. It didn’t even occur to him to wonder if he was here with someone else when he saw another figure standing close beside him.

 

His breath hitched.

 

Maybe Brian was here alone, Jae thought. The place was packed with people, locals and tourist, walking around huddled together.

 

When it happened, Jae was gasping, struck by the sight of him, of their eyes meeting each other. He held his breath when he saw that flicker of recognition on Brian’s eyes. Soon, Brian was getting closer to him, closer as he walked towards Jae. He just watched, stood frozen. Perhaps he was gaping at him, as the words in his mind unable to form a sound.

 

“Jae?” His voice was saying his name, surprised—his velvety and rich voice. Jae stared at the man in front of him. He was just—no, more so—blindingly handsome than he had remembered. The years had done well to him. Brian aged well with time—like a fine wine. The long, black cotton trench coat hung nicely on his frame, further accentuating his broad shoulders. He was smiling at him, and Jae took it that there was no animosity behind it.

 

They were just old friends, and by fate, they happened to meet each other again.

 

“Brian,” Jae exclaimed, hoping that it didn’t come out wrong. He smiled at him, hoping to obscure any signs of perturbation. Even if they did showed, he hoped that it didn't mar anything. “What a nice coincidence. How are you?”

 

Brian seemed to hesitate, like he was studying Jae’s face, before smiling again. "I'm—good, fine I guess," Brian said, though, he seemed to stumble over his words as if he was unsure of himself. His smiled faltered a bit. Well, Jae can't blame him for that, they hadn't contacted each other for years and on top of that, they'd parted on such terms. "Are you on vacation?" he asked.

 

“Ah, no. I’m doing my masters here,” Jae laughed, catching the curious gaze from Brian. He tried to keep his voice calm, natural. “What’re you doing here?”

 

“I, ah, yes. We’re here for the snow festival,” Brian nodded.

 

“We?” Jae asked, and then he saw Brian turning his head to his right. Jae followed his eyes and saw the person standing beside him—the one that he thought was a stranger to Brian.  

 

“This is Wonpil,” Brian smiled as he turning his body towards Wonpil slightly. “And Piri, this is Jae, a friend,” he chuckled before adding. “We haven’t met for a long time.”

 

“Funny, how things work. Nice to meet you, Wonpil,” Jae held out his hand for Wonpil before the latter shook it lightly, offering Jae a bright smile of his own. Jae smiled back, before facing Brian, his eyebrows furrowed. “Has it been five years?”

 

“Six,” Brian corrected.

 

“Six, wow,” his lips mouthed, faking that perfect gasp of surprise before Jae laughed. “That long.”

 

“And you didn’t even bother to contact me,” Brian teased before realisation hit both of them. Awkward silence dawned on them and Jae just watched Brian, his heart lurched. He inhaled deeply before breaking out another smile, looking at Wonpil.

 

“Ah, I could say the same for you, Bri,” Jae chuckled before looking back at Brian. He hoped that his nonchalant act did the job to mask the hurt that he felt right now.

 

“I’m sure you two had your reasons,” Wonpil laughed as he interrupted the two. “Brian’d told me about you.”

 

_Oh?_

 

Jae arched his brow, looking at Brian then Wonpil. “Nice things, I hope,” he laughed nervously.

 

“Nah, I told him all about your dirt,” Brian winked at him, smirking playfully at him, acting like there was no distance of six years between them. Those smile of his startled him, as it had been so long since then.

 

“Brian—“ Jae’s phone rang, interrupting him from finishing his sentence. Jae sighed as he fished his phone from his pocket, smiling at the name flashing on the screen. Then, he muttered an apology to both Brian and Wonpil before excusing himself to answer the call.

 

“Jae? Where’re you?” Sungjin’s voice resonated through the phone.

 

“Wait,” Jae said, pausing as he looked around, searching for Sungjin in the midst of the crowd. He frowned when he can’t seem to find him. “I can’t see you.”

 

“Well, considering the crowd—” Jae can already imagine Sungjin’s teasing smile and then, he heard Dowoon’s laughter over the phone. “Your coffee is getting cold.”

 

“Keep it warm for me,” Jae chuckled, smiling as he shook his head slightly. He was unaware of Brian’s watchful gaze on him. “I’ll just go back alone and meet you later.”

 

“Gotcha. We’ll stop somewhere to buy food. You have my keys, right?” Sungjin asked and Jae felt his pockets, searching for the said item.

 

“Yeah, I have it with me,” Jae grinned as he felt the keys’ embedding its shape on his palm, before taking it out to check if he got the correct keys with him. The keys had a Bob the Builder keychain on it causing Jae to laugh. It never failed to make him laugh every time he sees it. “You know, it’s weird, me, keeping your keys.”

 

“That’s because you keep waiting outside my door, even though I’d told you I'm not home," Jae can imagine Sungjin rolling his eyes right now. He laughed at the image, his eyes fond as he heard Sungjin’s voice nagging at him. Jae almost forgot about Brian, and he preened over his shoulder to see that fox-like eyes looking at him. Brian's eyes widened for a brief second before he smiled back at Jae. Jae pursed his lips, thinking whether if what he was about to do was conventional or not.

 

“Hey, Bob,” Jae heard Sungjin groaned over the nickname that Jae had gotten fond over. “I know we're going to gather at your place after this. Emmm. Do you mind, if I bring some old friends?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Ah, I kinda, we coincidentally met, here. Right now,” Jae rubbed his nape, biting his lower lips before saying, “he’s from home, Toronto.”

 

“Ah, Toronto. He,” Sungjin said, followed by silence after. The man knew about the friend from Toronto, the one Jae had told about how they fell out after he had moved to LA. The one that Sungjin had guessed to be someone that Jae used to care, a lot in the past. "Are you sure?" he asked Jae, but from his tone of voice, it was like Sungjin was asking if he was okay.

 

Jae paused for a while, peering over his shoulder again while sneaking a glance at Brian. He nodded. “Yeah. A hundred and ten percent.”

 

 

+++

 

 

Brian watched as Jae fiddled with the keys that were in his pants’ pocket. He guessed that it was the keys because he saw Jae took out the keys with the Bob the Builder keychain before putting it back in that side of his pocket during the call. They walked towards Sungjin’s apartment, with Wonpil occasionally making small talks with Jae, asking about Sapporo and recommended places to eat, and Brian opting to hear the two conversed. It felt weird hearing Jae’s melodic voice, it was soothing even. After the call, Jae had invited Brian and Wonpil to hang out before he decided to act as their host, showing them around Susukino Park. Brian took in the view—the city that Jae had lived for the past two years.

 

Once they had reached the apartment’s door, Jae fished out the keys, knowing exactly which key to use as Brian just watched him, observing him in silence. Jae opened the door before inviting his two guests inside, laughing while he told them the usual ‘make yourself at home’ phrase.

 

He walked through the entryway, following behind Jae as they reach the innermost part of the hallway before Jae opened a door. Jae ushered them inside the living room, directing them to the couch. Jae got rid of his jacket, offering to take their coat to hang. Brian and Wonpil handed their coats to Jae, and Brian watched as Jae walked towards the coat rack, hanging the coat over the rack. Then, Jae busied himself by asking if they wanted a drink before walking to the kitchen. Wonpil looked around the house, looking at the pictures on the display.

 

“Nice house, Jae,” he offered. Jae looked at him, eyes widened before he burst into laughter.

 

“Thanks, but it’s not mine,” Jae said, walking toward Brian with their drinks. He placed the glasses on the table, before taking a seat on the adjacent couch from Brian. Jae smiled at Wonpil before he turned to look at Brian. "This is my friend's apartment," he explained.

 

Brian looked at him, arching an inquisitive brow. He was about to ask for more explanation when Wonpil beat him to it.

 

“Friend?”

 

Jae nodded while he answered the question with a definite yes. Wonpil laughed as he walked towards them, taking a seat beside Brian and Brian noted that Jae was staring at Wonpil’s hand that was lightly grazing on Brian’s thigh. He looked at that hand before snapping out of it, looking up to meet Wonpil’s eyes, smiling.

 

Then, they heard sounds from the entryway, followed by someone calling Jae’s name. Jae tilted his head towards the door, before excusing himself as he walked out from the room, leaving Brian and Wonpil alone. Brian was not sure what was feeling right now. He was about to meet the new, more important people in Jae's life now. The people that had to replace and take over his place in Jae's life. He wasn't sure how he should act. Brian won't lie if he didn't feel upset with what had become between them. They used to hold such importance in each other life but now, it was gone.

 

It had been years, six to be exact, since that day. Brian was sure he wasn’t harbouring any feelings towards his former best friend anymore—the torch had long lost its fire, gone, extinguished. When he saw Jae, for the first time after six long years, Brian thought that he was dreaming and that Jae was just an image his mind made up suddenly. A byproduct of his imagination. It just seemed ridiculous to see someone that he hadn’t thought about for years suddenly appearing in front of him.

 

Then, he was ecstatic, after seeing the same person that had been slowly fading away in his life, realising that it was really him—Jae. Brian studied him—same eyes, same smile and same old Jae. He hadn’t changed. He was happy to meet his friend again, happy after thinking of the possibility of reconnecting with Jae again. Brian was excited about getting to know Jae again, catching up with him.  But, right now, when he thought about Jae having someone—someone special in his life—made Brian’s heart ached, twist and turned. Did he expect for Jae to—Brian frowned at the thought, berating himself for even thinking that he still had a chance and feeling upset because Jae had someone else—and lamenting over the fact that someone wasn’t him.

 

Brian clenched his hands, taking a deep breath. He has Wonpil right now, and Wonpil _is_ his boyfriend. Jae was someone from the past, a thing that didn’t happen and _won’t_ ever happen. Now, they both have their own life. His own world where Jae wasn't a fundamental influence on it. Not anymore. And Brian was sure that his place in Jae’s life was long gone. Now, he was just a memory, a distant memory from the past.

 

They weren't best friends now. They _used_ to be best friends.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo, uh thoughts on this?


	2. what are you doing now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, unbeta-ed because i don't have one. i did proofread it tho, and the mistakes are all mine.

 

 

 

 

It was something that Sungjin never thought he would see, or experience—not even once. He watched Brian as he sat on the opposite side from him and Jae. Beforehand, he had only heard about Brian through stories told by Jae, through his desolate eyes, fond smile, and longing voice. Someone that he had never met but he somehow knew this Brian guy. Sungjin knew how much this Brian guy meant to Jae, till now.

 

And here and now, here he was as his eyes watching, observing Jae, and taking all of him in. It wasn’t like he felt threaten with Brian’s appearance, and that guy got a boyfriend for god sake. Sungjin sighed, downing the rest of his beer before his eyes strayed to the chirpy, bubbly guy beside Brian. Wonpil and Dowoon had been engaged in a conversation. Both were all smiles and laughter. They had been talking for a while, about something that Sungjin didn’t quite catch on. They clicked quite fast, granted that they’d just met an hour ago. He gathered that Wonpil perhaps didn’t know about Brian and Jae’s history together.

 

And—

 

He glanced at the guy beside him, as Jae continued leaning onto him, his weight digging on his side. Jae was getting drunk, more and more so. He was mumbling, fighting with the slice of pizza in front of him. It was an endearing sight, truly. Sungjin smiled softly as he watched Jae slowly nit-picked at the bits of chicken and pineapple from his pizza, discarding the main stars of the pizza. He was, as always, the picky eater with his little, weird idiosyncrasy. Also, he was the one with a low alcohol tolerance level and also to explain why Jae was being so clingy right now. His quirks, Sungjin found it stupid but endearing.

 

“Jae,” Sungjin softly said his name, smiling when the elder tilted his head to stare at him. Sungjin resisted the urge to pinch his cheek. “Just eat the whole thing.”

 

“But, I just want pizza,” Jae pouted, as he complained to him, pointing at the chicken and pineapple as if they were criminals. Sungjin sighed, giving in before he helped Jae in his mission. Jae smiled, eyes grinning as he went to continue getting rid of the offenders on his pizza. After a while, he and Sungjin had succeeded in removing all of the chickens and pineapple. Jae smiled happily while he thanked Sungjin before eating his pizza happily. Sungjin laughed at Jae. He was such a cute drunk—he thought as he watched Jae gobbled his _pizza_. Then, his eyes met Brian’s before the latter smiled at him.

 

"He still hasn't changed at all," he said, voice laced with fondness, full with memories. Sungjin stared at him as Brian fixed his eyes on Jae. He watched Jae softly, Sungjin thought, no doubt he was reminiscing the old times. “Does he still—“

 

“Only eat the rice when eating seafood fried rice?” Sungjin guessed, pulling his lips upwards, smiling at the recollection. He was laughing when it replayed inside his head. He remembered the first time he was introduced to Jae’s quirks, before nodding his head. "He's a handful."

 

“I agree,” Brian nodded as silence followed after. He saw Brian wetted his lips with his tongue. Sungjin can guess what he was about to say. “Are you—“ Brian hesitate, looking at Sungjin, “are you two, together?”

 

Sungjin pursed his lips, thinking about Brian’s question. If he was to say the truth, what would he say? Sungjin could say that there was something going on between them. Something uncertain but it was there. They both had agreed to take it slow, one step at a time before confirming and solidifying the thing between them. They were not what you can call as official but they were getting there. It was a matter of time till he manned up and popped the question. So, what should he say to Brian—the truth or something similar to it?

 

“No,” he decided to settle with that answer.

 

Brian looked at him, surprised. “Ah, sorry. I thought—“

 

Sungjin shrugged and said, “it’s okay, lots of people assumed that.” He smiled at Brian. Sungjin studied Brian expression, watching if he can fish something out from him. He didn’t even know what he was expecting from Brian. What did he want to see from the man who used to hold a significant place in Jae’s life? What was he expecting from Brian?

 

Sungjin downed another sip of his beer. The two of them distracted themselves by eating what was left of their pizza and Sungjin finishing the rest of the chickens and pineapples nit-picked by Jae.

 

It was awkward, being in this kind of situation, especially when Sungjin knew about the history between Jae and Brian. He sighed before downing another gulp of his beer. He glanced at Brian, trying to ease the awkwardness between them. “So, are you doing anything tomorrow?”

 

Brian stared at Sungjin, as he pursed his lips in a straight line, before saying, “ah, we were thinking about going to Tsudome tomorrow.”

 

“Ah, that’s fun. You’ll like it there.”

 

“Ah, yeah. I heard Tsudome got lots of fun activities that we could do,” he said and Sungjin nodded at him, agreeing.

 

Wonpil interrupted, “ah, would you guys join us? It would be great to have a guide.”

 

“We take crabs as payment. But, not just any crabs. Hokkaido crabs,” Dowoon laughed as Wonpil punch his arm playfully.

 

“What’re you all talking about?” Jae in his drunken stupor, asked before he turned to settle his attention on Sungjin. He blinked copiously at him, grinning as he leaned closer to the man. Sungjin stayed rooted to his spot. Then, Jae pulled Sungjin’s arm, catching back his attention. Sungjin smiled fondly at him, momentarily forgot about the others in the room after seeing Jae’s actions. He bit his lips before he regained his composure.

 

“Do you want to go to Tsudome tomorrow, Jae?” Wonpil asked, his voice was excited, eagerly excited as he hunched over the table to get closer to Jae. Jae snapped his head to Wonpil before leaning back to Sungjin, creating some distance between him and Wonpil before he giggled and his arms snaked around Sungjin’s.

 

“If Sungjin wants to bring me there. Sure," he said.

 

And all eyes, saved for Brian’s, were on Sungjin, waiting for the ‘go-ahead’. Sungjin laughed before he gave a determined nod, agreeing to the sudden plan. He tilted his head to look at Jae, who was giving him a loopy grin and Sungjin wanted to kiss him right now and there. But, he held his ground, knowing that it won’t do any good after what he had said to Brian earlier.

 

“We should go back, it’s already this late,” Brian said after looking at the time. “We should exchange contacts for tomorrow.”

 

Sungjin nodded, before taking his phone out. He exchanged details with Brian, while both deciding on the time and place to gather for tomorrow. They decided that it would be easier to meet up at Wonpil and Brian’s hotel before going to Tsudome. Jae and Sungjin walked the other three to the door. Sungjin had joked, saying ‘be careful’ to Brian and Wonpil when Dowoon had offered to guide them back to their hotel. Dowoon whined at him, giving Sungjin the stink eye. They laughed while the trio wore their shoes and getting ready to leave the house.

 

They said goodbye, with Jae still drunkenly clinging to Sungjin. Sungjin didn’t miss the look on Brian’s face when he stared at Jae, but he decided to ignore them. It was nothing, he assured. 

 

 

+++

 

 

Jae woke up to an immense hangover. He squeezed his eyelids shut, feeling the throbbing and pounding in his skull. “Urgh,” Jae winced when he felt that sharp ting in his head after he tried to pry open his eyes.

 

“Jae?” Jae squinted, making out the familiar silhouette of Sungjin when he heard his voice. The light was still too bright for him and it blinded him. Everything seemed blurry right now. He groaned again.

 

“Are you up?” Sungjin asked.

 

“Urgh, yeah,” Jae grumbled, voice hoarse. He then heard some thudding, shuffling sounds before he felt the bed dipped on his right side. He felt Sungjin’s hand lightly ran through his hair. It felt nice, Jae sighed into the sensation.

 

“Tylenol?” Sungjin offered and he nodded.

 

“What’ll I do without you, really,” Jae groaned as Sungjin helped him to a sitting position before handing him the pill and a glass of water. Jae took it with pleasure, mouthing his gratitude before popping the pill into his mouth. He finished it by gulping the whole glass of water in one shot. Jae let out a content sigh.

 

“Better?” Sungjin asked while massaging his temples. His strong and deft fingers made miracles to Jae’s throbbing head, chasing the pain away. Jae hummed, leaning into his touch. Sungjin’s magical hands stopped its magic. Jae frowned before fluttering his eyelids open to look at Sungjin. Sungjin gave him an apologetic laugh.

 

“Jae, I hate to break it to you, but we did promise Brian and Wonpil to go to Tsudome today,” he said.

 

“Urgh, really? Don't you have work?”

 

“Yes. Your drunken ass agreed to it. And no.”

 

Jae groaned as he sat up. He stretched his body while yawning. He grinned. “My drunken ass can’t be trusted.”

 

Sungjin laughed. “Hey, Jae," he said as he observed the man. Jae hummed, as he looked back at Sungjin. A content grin adorned his face.

 

“What?” he softly asked.

 

They just stared at each other, and Sungjin thought that it wasn’t the time to ask Jae about that thing. He smiled back before he ushered Jae out from the bed. “You’d better go now or we’ll be late,” he warned, pushing Jae towards the bathroom.

 

 

+++

 

 

Wonpil felt something weird. Brian was acting weird and he felt uneasy. It didn't help when Wonpil saw how comfortable, happy Jae and Brian looked like when they were together. He knew they were catching up with lost time. But it was their time, their vacation and they were supposed to spend it together. Instead, Wonpil had spent a lot of time with Dowoon today, as the younger was excited to show him around the place. After playing with almost every attraction available, and also, due to Dowoon’s eagerness, both of them had lost sight of Brian, Jae and Sungjin, leaving the two together. Dowoon pulled Wonpil towards a nearby café to warm up and waited for the trio there. The cold weather was finally catching up to them. They had been playing around for a long time that Dowoon had lost track of time.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Dowoon asked, placing their coffee on the table. Wonpil took off his glove, rubbing his hands together briefly before warming them using the warm cup.

 

“Yeah, why won’t I be?" Wonpil shrugged as he wrapped his fingers around the cup firmly, feeling the warmth seeping through his skin.

 

“You look, never mind,” Dowoon bit his lower lips, remembering that he and Wonpil practically just met and he wasn’t sure if it was okay to press Wonpil further. “I’m gonna text Sungjin-hyung to tell him that we’re here,” Dowoon said and Wonpil nodded at him.

 

Wonpil grabbed his coffee, opening the cup’s lid before softly blew on the hot coffee. He sipped it slowly, carefully measures the temperature with his tongue. Satisfied, he drank more of his coffee, savouring the taste and feeling his body getting warm.

 

Dowoon placed his phone on the table as his eyes stared back at Wonpil. The man in front of him was looking out the window, eyes running carelessly over the snow-clad earth. “How long have you known Brian-hyung?” Dowoon asked, after a moment of silence.

 

“Four years, after he moved to Seoul,” Wonpil said casually.

 

“Cool. Is he a pianist too?”

 

“No,” Wonpil shook his head firmly and his eyes finally meeting Dowoon’s, “he writes music.”

 

“Like a composer?”

 

“Like a composer,” Wonpil laughed. "He works at JYP."

 

It was obviously a stupid question, Dowoon cringed. He then asked, “how do you guys know each other?”

 

“Through mutual friends,” he said, and decided to add, “and after a year, we decided to date.”

 

“Cool,” Dowoon nodded, leaning back into the seat.

 

Wonpil laughed at Dowoon’s response. “How about you? How do you know Sungjin and Jae?”

 

“Well, Sungjin’s is my senior from my department, he helped me with some class before and I got to know Jae-hyung through him,” Dowoon drank his coffee, “from there we got close, we kinda clicked.”

 

“Is Sungjin and—“ Wonpil ran his eyes away from Dowoon, staring at the table to avoid from staring at him, “you know.”

 

“Sungjin and Jae, you mean,” Dowoon said and Wonpil nodded, confirming his assumption. Dowoon laughed out loud, thus getting some stares and hushes from the other café’s occupants. He looked around, apologising but the glint was still there in his eyes. Then, he turned to stare at Wonpil. “Sorry about that,” he grinned sheepishly, “I just, you know, those fools will deny it if you asked them about it—“

 

“But?” he interrupted.

 

“I mean, you see it yourself right? How they act around each other?”

 

Wonpil nodded.

 

“So if you’re asking me, my answer gonna be, yes, they are but still, you know, both of them are idiots. The worst kind of pinning idiots.”

 

“That—“

 

Dowoon laughed. "I just hope they stop walking around it and just get their shit together. It’s both funny and frustrating, it’d been years.”

 

Wonpil laughed.

 

“Do you know about Jae?”

 

“Do I know about Jae?” Dowoon repeated, quirking an eyebrow as he had found Wonpil’s question ridiculous.

 

“I meant, Jae and Brian?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

"Of them being best friend? I was shocked. Like a best friend is a huge deal right? In four years of knowing him, I was bound to know about Jae. Like, Jae was bound to pop out from somewhere.”

 

“I,” Dowoon paused, furrowing his brows, “no.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Now that you mentioned that, ah, Jae doesn’t mention much about his life outside Japan,” he said, thinking about the newfound fact. “It’s odd, but I guess he had his reasons.”

 

Silence dawned on them. Dowoon sipped his lukewarm coffee, avoiding from staring at the person in front of him. Wonpil stared at him, taking everything in—the enigma of the whole Jae and Brian relationship. The fact was bugging him, a lot. He was trying to draw guesses from the scraps of information he’d gathered. Why they stop contacting each other. Or why Brian never mention about Jae, about his best friend back at home. Sure he knew about Terry and Don. But, Jae, he knew nothing about him. Who was Park Jaehyung in Brian’s life? What had happened between them? He wanted to know. Wonpil sighed as he stared into the depth of his coffee.

 

“Does Sungjin know?” Wonpil asked.

 

Dowoon pursed his lips, thinking about the possibilities. “Maybe.”

 

“Oh.”

 

They drank their coffee in silence again, ending their conversation there. Dowoon excused himself to order some food for them, walking back to the counter. Wonpil stared at the black liquid again, as he reflected on Brian’s actions, especially his behaviour around Jae.

 

Who’re you, Jae?

 

 

+++

 

 

“Dowoon texted me,” Sungjin said, as he typed a reply back to the younger. Jae titled his head to look at him, staring at him while waiting for Sungjin to finish his sentence.

 

“Is Wonpil with him?” Brian asked.

 

“Yeah,” Sungjin nodded, pocketing his phone back before looking at the two. “I think I’m done. I’m going to meet them, you guys wanna come?” he asked, looking at Jae intently. Jae always thought that Sungjin’s eyes were expressive and there was so much emotion that his eyes can convey. But, right now, Jae knew there was something bothering him but he can’t read him like he used to. And it bothered him, greatly.

 

“You guys go ahead, I want to hit the slide once more,” Brian smiled. “Send me your location later.”

 

Jae laughed, remembering Brian love and hate relationship with the cold. He loved playing with the snow but he was weak with the cold. The snow was his element. But it was hilarious, seeing the winter child can be easily defeated by the cold temperature. He had been there when Brian was too stubborn to go back to Brian’s house and drank some hot chocolate. Brian was determined to finish his project and he had dragged Jae along with him to continue building the igloo. Jae had given Brian his hand warmer and he still had extra in his bag in case it wasn’t enough. He remembered Brian caught a fever afterwards even with the precaution taken. Brian was stuck in bed for a week.

 

“Aren’t you cold?” he pointed to Brian’s red nose.

 

“No,” Brian lied, rubbing his nose furiously causing Jae to laugh even harder. “Shut up,” he groaned.

 

“Bri, catch,” Jae said while he tossed Brian his hand warmers. Brian caught them, his eyes wide as he looked at Jae. He just smiled back at Brian, shrugging his shoulder.

 

“Jae, are you coming?” Sungjin asked and Jae berated himself for momentarily forgetting the other presence.

 

“Ah,” he drawled, looking at both Sungjin and Brian, “I should stay with Bri. You know, in case he got lost.”

 

“I’m not a child.”

 

“Come on Bribri, remember that time when you got lost at the—“ “Shut up.”

 

Jae laughed while walking towards Sungjin. He grabbed Sungjin’s hand, looking at him, smiling. “We’ll meet up when winter child had enough,” he said.

 

Brian groaned at the nickname, clearly exasperated. Jae laughed as he shifted his focus on Brian briefly before looking back at Sungjin. Sungjin sighed, nodding and saying something along the line of ‘okay’ and ‘take care’ before walking off. Jae waved, watching the fading view of Sungjin’s silhouette amongst the crowd.

 

“So, winter child,” he turned to face Brian, smirking at him, “where do we go next?”

 

Brian rolled his eyes, knowing a teasing smile from Jae when he saw one. He turned his back on him, walking without responding back to Jae. Jae laughed, following after Brian. When he got closer, Jae jumped onto Brian’s back, latching onto it, sending the latter shocked by the sudden increase of gravitational pull. He groaned again while Jae secured himself on Brian, lacing his hands around Brian's shoulder. Brian secured Jae’s legs on his sides. He jumped a bit while shifting Jae on his back, regaining better stability on his feet before he complained.

 

Jae chuckled at him. The sound close to his ear and Brian can’t help but smile at the familiarity. He never knew how much he had missed this. Just having fun with Jae and hearing that obnoxious, loud laughter of his.

 

“Hey, Brian,” Jae said and Brian hummed back, as they (Brian) walked up the snowy pathway. “I miss you.”

 

Brian turned his head slightly, getting a glimpse of Jae—who was smiling brightly at him that it hurt. Brian thought about their past. Of Jae. He smiled back despite the uneasy feeling stirring inside him. Every fibre of his being was telling him ‘no’ and ‘stop’—warnings that he seemed to ignore. He found himself mouthing back the same three words—with more feeling embedded into it than intended.

 

Jae’s smile broadened.

 

Brian wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, or not.

 

 

+++

 

 

Jae stared at the ceilings as he recounted back of the things that happened today—things that almost happened, _almost_. He thought about the stupid thing he’d done. His act was preposterous and deplorable. He should feel ashamed but, somehow, by a stroke of chance, he didn’t. Jae groaned while shutting his eyes tightly as he let the darkness filled his senses. He wanted the dreadful feeling of guilt to wash over him, he waited and thought about Sungjin, about how he had betrayed his trust and—

 

Jae sighed, rolling over to lie on his side. He opened his eyes, looking at the picture that he was all too familiar with. The picture he had especially placed on the nightstand—to serve as a reminder to some degree. It signified something for him. Something to hold him grounded. Framed in a white vintage-like frame was a picture of Sungjin, with his arms wrapped around Jae’s shoulder. In the picture, both of them were smiling happily.

 

It was Sungjin’s graduation day.

 

Jae remembered that day vividly, as he had always when his eyes landed on the picture each and every time. Each and every time, he would smile at it, except for now.

 

It was also the day that Jae decided to move on and started something new with Sungjin.

 

He thought that he can do it, live a life without Brian, finally putting an end to the beginning that had never begun. And, he believed that if he were to meet Brian someday, it will be okay. He will be okay. He was okay, wasn’t he? Jae sighed, thinking about the confusion on his mind. Brian had moved on, found someone better—Wonpil—and so did he.

 

He got Sungjin.

 

He got Sungjin.

 

He got Sungjin.

 

Jae groaned. No matter how much he tried to forget, he realised that he was the one who was still playing in the forest of the past, trapped, too enchanted by the beautiful flora of memories to let go. But, he was tricked by the illusion that he had set up. The illusion he used to make himself believe that it wasn’t the same forest. The same illusion he had forced onto himself by chanting the spell (the framed picture on the nightstand) over and over again.

 

At that moment, he was someone who had been denied from something that he desperately needed for so long, something that he longed for. And when it happened, he was presented with that something—Brian—he’d lost his clutch on his control. The illusion collapsed. Everything was in chaos, disarray and he was falling under the spiral of irrepressible desire.

 

And, that happened.

 

He knew they had fall victim under the trap of memories, as he and Brian took a trip down the memory lane. And, they had lost sight of things that they never should have. Things like Jae and Brian didn’t exist anymore.

 

It was a familiar sight, Brian standing a mere inches away, far too close, far into his personal bubble. It was familiar, and they were having so much fun. Reminded by the old days, of how they used to be. _Jae and Brian_. It just happened, they, Jae got trapped. Like an insect gotten caught in the threads of spider webs, and like how the moth just always ensnared to the warmth, the dazzling scarlet of the flame.

 

And, Jae, just can’t get away.

 

Overwhelmed as the world around him blurred, Jae only remembered when Brian invaded, conquered his sense, his mind, his everything before he snapped, gasping. He realised what he about to do was wrong. He was going to kiss him. Jae pushed him away and ran, as fast as he can.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might get lengthier than intended, because i don't think that i could end this within 3 chapters.  
> sorry that this takes a long time, and i'll update my other works in the nearest future :D
> 
> hope you did enjoy. spam me with comments, anything <3  
> kudos if you like it, thankyouthankyouthankyou


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